i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
