I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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