Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
