i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
ttyl tear gas
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
