Me too!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
