I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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