we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize