At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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