he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
