PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
