hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
