Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
