i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i think i just naturally attract stoners
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
