Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize