that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
