I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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