So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
