really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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