if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
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