I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
