Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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