I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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