3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just gift wrapped bread.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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