what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
