she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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