if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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