My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
