i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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