he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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