You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
