and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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