Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
