well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
wanna go halves on a baby?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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