Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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