He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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