it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
