i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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