what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
