Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
