Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
