remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
