so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
