You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
