Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
