dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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