Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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