thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I touched a dick in church today
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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