please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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