Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
