Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
