I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sext me about skeletons
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
