I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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