i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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