We're facebook friends in real life
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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