Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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