I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
