dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
