life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize