margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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