Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
