i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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