A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Success! We fucked roommates!
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