Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
