Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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