so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
