Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
