Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
