I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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