another moral hangover. fuck.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize