they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So here I am, sexting at work.
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