You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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