I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
