Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
