Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
