that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
