It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
